Weight Loss and Me

So I know that I've mentioned just a little about my weight loss in some posts, but I hit a great milestone this week and wanted to share more.

I've struggled with my weight all my life. I've always been the tallest student in my class growing up but then I started to also be the heaviest student too. At first it didn't bother me, but then I noticed that I couldn't do things like the other students in PE. I had a great PE teacher in elementary school and she really worked with me to tailor activities to fit my needs. Ms. Harrington never allowed me to get away with excuses. She worked with me so that I still did the same activities, just altered ever so slightly so that I felt successful. When I moved to middle school I definitely did NOT sign up for PE. I was a choir and drama girl and I knew I could do those activities without feeling awkward about my body. However my parents still wanted me to be active with some physical education of some type. I signed up for Ponytail Softball with my cousins during the summer but needed something during the school year. Well my 7th grade year, Ms. Harrington moved to my middle school and it was so great to have someone on my side again. I did a year of PE and made it through with her help. I also did softball and volleyball and I have some great memories of games in middle school. Then I moved to high school and that was the end of my physical education. I even went so far as to take a bowling class for my PE credit because I just didn't want to do PE. The idea of changing at school and definitely not being able to keep up with the other kids scared me to death. So I hid and started to really put on the weight. It's funny when I hear commercials talking about getting high school skinny...because that was so not me! I never want to look like I did in high school and for good reason. I was at my absolute heaviest my Senior year. :(

I graduated and moved to Flagstaff for college and actually lost weight my Freshmen year. Instead of gaining the dreaded Freshmen 15...I lost it. I was walking to all my classes and up and down three flights of stairs to get to my room a few times a day. College kind of was a steady time for me. I didn't really gain or lose a major amount of weight. I stayed pretty even and just kind of thought I would always be that size.

Then I graduated college and moved to the valley in the summer of 2004 for my first teaching job. January of 2005 my back went out and I couldn't move for almost a week. It was terrifying and I was so scared. I saw a chiropractor and he asked me about my weight. I had put on a little bit but still wasn't back to my heaviest. He started talking to me about how my weight was probably a huge factor for my back issues and warned that I needed to start doing something. I joined LA Fitness the next day and started working out. I was single at the time and really had no life. I went the gym for 2 hours every day after school and was also making some different choices as to what I was buying...I wasn't buying food. Well not enough of the right foods. I did eat...trust me, I love food! But I wasn't buying healthy foods still. However being in my young 20's and starting to work out was the jump start my body needed. By June 2005 when I met Jay, I had lost 70 pounds and was at my lightest. I felt great!! I could eat anything I wanted because I was going to the gym, having hardcore workouts and I had met someone!

2005 and 2006 were great years! Jay and I dated and then became engaged and my weight was doing just fine! I continued to work out, but started to cut back a little bit. I mean, when you're in love what's more important to do with your time, work out or be with the one you love?! Obvious choice there!! :) Anywho, I tried on wedding gowns in October of 2006 and needed to have the dress taken in but that could wait until closer to our wedding the following June. Well when I went for the dress fitting in Spring of 2007, the dress didn't need any alterations at all. I had gained some weight. But the dress still fit and I was feeling good and I really didn't give it much thought. My workout routine had really changed due to the fact that I was balancing working, planning a wedding and spending time with Jay, family and friends. Our wedding came and I can say without a doubt that I LOVE how I looked in all our pictures!!! I look happy and I know that I was and I will always be so proud of myself for getting to that point for such a special and important occasion. We went on our honeymoon and I noticed that certain articles of clothing were starting to feel tight, but I brushed it off and kept telling myself that I would get back on track after we got home and got settled.

Well just the opposite happened. I continued to work out but not to the level I once had. I was eating far too much of the wrong foods again and my back issues had started up again which worried me about working out and so the cycle began. I definitely knew I had put back on the majority of the weight I had worked so hard to lose and just felt trapped. Then we started to try for a family and if you read the blog...you know all about that journey! When I met with our 2nd fertility doctor, Dr. Patel, in the fall of 2010 he said that he wanted me to lose between 30 and 40 pounds before we started anything. Talk about pressure! We were already having problems conceiving due to me, but now I also needed to lose that weight again to help our chances out. The pressure didn't help and for the next 2 years I didn't lose weight. I yo-yoed between the same 15 pounds those 2 years and after our unsuccessful IVF try this past fall I had all those "what-if" questions burning in my head and heart. I needed to do something and quick.

In March of this year I saw a sign at work about Weight Watchers starting an At Work group. I'd always contemplated doing Weight Watchers, but was so sure that because I had done it once before I could do it again...on my own. But I went to the meeting anyway and liked what I heard and signed up that day. My first meeting was March 3, 2012 and I was just 10 pounds shy of being back at my heaviest during my Senior year of high school. I was ashamed and so so upset. I cried to my friend at work and came to the realization that this was my rock bottom and I had no where else but to go up from here (or down if I was to lose weight!). I lost 8 pounds my first week on the program. I thought I was eating smart and properly when I lost weight the first time, but I was so wrong. Weight Watchers has taught me some great life style changes that I have really adopted and made my own. Food doesn't feel like the enemy anymore and I've also fallen back in love with working out again and just being active. The At Work program ended a little bit before the end of school and with the exception of one week (I had gained 0.6) I lost every week!!

My office manager asked me to join her at her Weight Watchers meeting during the summer since I could in the middle of the day and I have really enjoyed it!! The leader is a great motivation for me as well as hearing other success stories and just sharing about my own journey. Then this week I weighed in and lost again...bringing my TOTAL weight loss to...30.8 pounds!! (If you take off the tenth it would be 31 pounds!!) I was amazed, shocked, excited...you name it I was it!! The doc had asked me to lose 30 to 40 pounds and I had met his goal and we still had 16 days until our transfer!!! One of the perks has been having my few visits with Dr. Patel and each time he says something about my weight loss!! That makes me so proud!!! I told Jay the other day that I will NOT have those "what-if" questions this time if we do not get our desired outcome. I have done everything in my power to get my body in good shape for this frozen embryo transfer and that's all I can do!! And more importantly I have made this change for life. I don't want to be back in that place where I have no clothes that fit me properly and I'm ashamed that I look a certain way. I want to be healthy for my family, friends and hopefully my children!!! I want to be this person for the rest of my life and I know I can do it! :)

So I didn't mean to, but I rambled...again! If this post gives hope to at least one person then it makes me happy that I shared!! :)