Dreams

I love dreams. I try so hard to remember my dreams when I wake up each morning so that I can try and dissect what they mean and what my head and heart were trying to work out during the night. I have a dream book and I'm always going to it when I remember a little detail here or there. Sometimes it makes sense to me and sometimes I am lost as to it's meaning. However, I still enjoy my dreams!!

But I have had some strange ones. Sometimes when I retell my dreams to Jay he just looks at me with this quizzical expression and asks if I had something to drink before going to sleep! :) I can't help it! I'm just a radical dreamer...just an expression I made up myself!

The reason I'm writing about dreams is because I had one last night that puzzled me until I worked through it today. My dream took place on the first day of the upcoming school year. I know! I know! School just finished so why am I dreaming about being back there again?? I was taking attendance and I had a really big class with students that were quite older than a 1st grade age but their name was on my roster. Taking attendance is usually a few minutes, not longer than 3 at the the most. However, in my dream it was taking forever. Students were coming and going through my door without asking/telling me anything and I was having a very difficult time reading their names. the majority of my students had names that were as long as sentences...I'm not kidding! I remember one of the names was "Teddy who likes to eat yogurt with his spoon and takes forever to clean-up!" Who dreams crazy things like that?????? I do! Anywho, I think I finally finished taking attendance (or maybe I just gave up!) and then I was walking the class down the hall and all of a sudden we were in this field and there were dogs everywhere. All kinds of dogs running around and their owners were running after them. Of course my class all dispersed and I had no idea where anyone was. I was freaking out trying to scan the crowd of people and dogs and find my students. The next thing I knew someone had put a leash in my hand and I was now walking with a dog...don't really remember the type of dog. But I was trying to find someone else to watch the dog for me because I had to find my students and get them back inside to class and start teaching.

I woke up and my PJ top was all bundled up and twisted as were the sheets around me. I'd love to do one of those sleep studies where they tape you sleeping one night. I'm sure I would be the crazy person flinging their arms everywhere and rolling over a million times throughout the night. :) Immediately I wanted to know why I had dreamed what I had dreamed. What did it mean? Usually these are the dreams I have right before school as I'm overwhelmed with setting up my classroom for the year and getting everything ready for that first week of school. Why was I dreaming something like this now, a week after a very productive year had just ended?!?!

The dog part I figured out quickly. The night before Jay and I filled out an application to hopefully adopt/rescue a Lab dog named Molly! We have been talking about getting a new dog this year and summer is the perfect time since I'm home and can train a dog. The rest of the dream was not so easy until I met my friend Sarah at the gym this morning and told her about my dream. She gave me the same look Jay usually gives me and seemed totally perplexed as to the meaning of my dream. I told her that I felt so out of control and anyone who knows me, knows I hate to be out of control. I don't have to control every situation I'm in, but if I'm running the show (for example, like running a classroom) it's me that controls how things go. I had no control in this dream and didn't understand why my heart and head were feeling out of control. "It's simple." Sarah said. "You have a pretty big event coming up in June that you literally have no control over. Your frozen embryo transfer. You show up and they transfer the frozen embryo and you go home. You can't do anything." DUH!!! That's exactly what it meant. I've been feeling good about this transfer because I have been able to lose some weight (almost 30 pounds now!!) and the doctor had said from the beginning that my chances of the embryo implanting successfully would be increased if I lost some weight. I told Jay just the other day that I felt that I had done everything in my power to be as prepared (mentally & physically) for this upcoming transfer and didn't feel like I would have any of those "what if" feelings like I did after our fall transfer. But my head and heart still don't like that feeling of not being in control and that's what my dream was telling me! So I guess I need to chant the Prayer of Serenity before going to sleep each night ( I found the whole version online!):

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Speaking of dreams I do have to share this story because it has such incredible meaning to me! Jay and I went on an Alaskan cruise 2 years ago. It was amazing! We saw such beautiful sights and were truly relaxed and felt rejuvinated after coming home. :) While on the cruise we had dinner each night with a few couples and became friends with one in particular, Kim & Alain. They live in Miami, Florida and had a little girl this past fall. We became friends on Facebook but that's it. We haven't spoken person to person since the cruise and our information about each other's lives is just what we see posted online. At the end of this past April, Kim sent me a FB message and it was so sweet. She wanted to share a dream with me and this is what she wrote:

"Hi Jennifer!! How are you doing?? I woke up with you in my dream (wow what a funny email to start off with lol). For some reason I had this really realistic and detailed dream with you and your hubby in it. I have no idea why but some reason felt compelled to tell you. I have no idea what it means...and don't know how its meant to be because other than meeting you on our honeymoon and Facebook here and there, I don't know the details of your personal life. All four of us were at this spa, sitting around talking. You were glowing and Jay was beaming...you told us that you had a capsule put into you and you were expecting. The joy from y'all was so vivid that's what woke me up. Like I said, I'm sorry if I offended you or think I'm weird lol. I've never done this before but for some reason its like I had to tell you. I hope all is well with you!!!"

I WAS BLOWN AWAY!!!! She had no idea that we were going through the IVF process and that we have a transfer coming up in June. I got teary eyed (so not unusual with me, I cry at the drop of a hat!!) but I also felt this sense of calm come over me. I felt like God was reaching out to me and saying, "I'm putting you and Jay out there in people's minds and hearts. You are not alone and there are so many people praying and hoping the best for you." It must be God that put that dream in Kim's mind and heart that night because she had no other reason to dream something that detailed about our life. I wrote her back immediately and let her know that I was not offended, but so touched. I shared everything with her and she was blown away and also agreed that God had a hand in bringing this dream about.

So keep dreaming out there you dreamers and try to figure out what your head and heart are working on while you are sleeping each night!!