So I was back in for more blood work this morning and was once again shocked when the nurse called with my results. My HCG level jumped from 80 yesterday to 97 today. The doc is nervous that with all the craziness my HCG level has been doing since Thursday (four days ago) that my body is not taking care of this ectopic pregnancy on its own. That scares me too. I will have a consultation appointment first thing tomorrow morning to discuss taking an injection of a medicine called methotrexate. This medicine is used for various different things including treating different forms of cancer as well as treating autoimmune diseases...like my mother's Rheumatoid Arthritis. She takes an injection of methotrexate weekly to help control her RA. It is also used to help stop ectopic pregnancies and induce a miscarriage. I don't know all the particulars of the injection and/or side effects or what else I can expect...I have a long list of questions to ask tomorrow morning at my appointment. They will also draw my blood again to see where my HCG level is at and we'll go from there. The scary side of this is that while the medicine usually works it's not 100% effective all the time. I'm sure they will continue to monitor my HCG level throughout the week (another question I will ask in the morning) and if Dr. Patel is not satisfied then I will be looking at surgery to have the ectopic pregnancy removed from my body. So that causes me to be slightly terrified...
So many emotions and thoughts went through my head and heart today. I'm worried about my health. I'm worried about all the stress and worry that I'm bringing to Jay and my family and my friends. I'm worried about making the right choices and worried that people will be upset with me for the choices I have to make. As far as Dr. Patel knows from these numbers (and because they are so low there is no way to view anything on an ultrasound) this is an abnormal and unsafe pregnancy. He doesn't know where this embryo has implanted but he is as sure as he can be that it's not safe to continue...not safe for the embryo and not safe for me. That is the information I have to go on. Jay and I don't want to have such an unsafe and potentially risky pregnancy just because we want this to work. Jay pointed out that if I'm not healthy and safe, then that embryo is not healthy and safe. I believe that as well and I feel that I'm making the best decision based on the information and facts that are being presented to me. This is what Jay and I have decided to do. A friend told me today that God gave us both a head and a heart and that as long as I consider both of those things when making my decision that's all I can do. I completely agree with her.
I'm hopeful that either my HCG level takes a huge dive tomorrow or if not, that the injection takes care of things so that we can move on. It's been hard to live our lives every 24 to 48 hours based on blood work and/or ultrasound results. We are ready to put things to rest and start the next chapter of our lives. I hope I haven't offended anyone with my comments...it's just my way of my brain and heart working things out through words.
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