Catching Up With Us...

So I looked over my last post and read that I would post pictures of my classroom as school was getting started! Ha!!! That obviously didn't happen. The school year started and I didn't have a moment to breath until Fall Break two weeks ago. And then I spent that week recuperating and before I knew it, it was time to head back to school. There have been things happening in our lives these past few months and I thought I would do a quick recap of each month for those that are reading!

July- My HCG levels continued to drop off after only one shot. I was monitored weekly until I was all the way back at 0. I had to stay in touch with the doctor's office because they did owe us some money back after everything was said and done. It was really strange for awhile not to have to drive and see them every other day or even every week. I really feel like Dr. Patel and his entire staff are great people and I would recommend them to any couple seeking help with infertility. :)

August- School started and this has been one of the roughest starts to a school year that I have had in my 9 years of teaching. The days leading up to the first day of school were spent in meetings with administration, instead of my classroom. It was really frustrating and I felt so unprepared as I never had before. But time ticked on and the first day of school was upon me. My class is great this year but they are challenging me like never before. I have a special friend this year that is diagnosed with Autism and he has probably taught me the most about myself as a teacher this year. The rest of the students are used to our friend and his outbursts (I'm talking kicking, screaming, random yelling, whining, rolling on the floor, random noises) by now and they just continue with whatever we're doing. However, they are really attention starved due to the amount of time this friend takes up. I've spoken about a one on one aide and unfortunately my requests are falling on deaf ears. So I'm doing the best I can with what I have. Our Resource/Special Education teacher is amazing and so is my team. However, each of us had a special friend placed in our rooms this year so it's been tough to try and help each other out, when we are sooooo drained from our class.

September- I finally felt like things were getting back on track and I started to get excited for Jay's upcoming 38th birthday. Back in July when things were pretty crappy I remembered the plan I wanted to do last year for his birthday but was unable to do it due to our first round of IVF. So I started planning in July and by September I was busting with excitement and trying to contain the secret. I bought tickets for us to fly to Cleveland and see a home baseball game of Jay's Cleveland Indians. I even called his boss and asked for a day off for him so we could fly out early Friday morning that weekend before his birthday. His mom helped me by using her Marriott points to get us a room at the downtown Marriott which was a five minute walk from the ballpark. Besides getting to see his Indians play, I wanted Jay to share memories of times he'd come with his father to that ballpark and show me around his ballpark! He got home from work and I had clues around the house. He finally figured out we were going to see the Indians but figured it would be in the Spring sometime. He really was surprised when I said that we were leaving the next morning!! It was exactly what I wanted to have happen. The trip was a huge success and I finally got to surprise the man who usually surprises me!! :)

October- Jay and I had planned on going to Vegas for a few days during my Fall Break to have a get away since we really didn't take a vacation this year. We had gotten some free rooms and thought it would be perfect. Then we started thinking about my Spring Break and decided to make plans to head back to Disney World (for fun, to see Jay's family who recently moved close to Orlando and to see my dear friend Beth, who is getting married in February and we won't be able to make the wedding). Once that decision was set Vegas didn't sound as inviting so we cancelled the trip and just had a week at home! We did do one night at Talking Stick Resort in Scottsdale and that was fun to get away for a night and have a couple's massage! It was fun to have the week together since Jay usually doesn't take time off when I have time off during the school year. He did have to go in for a job interview however with his current manager. DeVry wanted to change his job title and officially put him under the Registrar. However, they just posted a new job and wanted to see if he would apply if he was interested. His manager called him at home one morning and told him he needed to apply for the job and explained what the higher-ups were thinking. He had to submit his resume and application, had a phone interview with the main campus back east and had to go in on his week off for a 2 hour interview...huge waste of time! But in the end he got the job...title change...and even a 5 1/2% raise!! So we are thankful that things worked out the way they did and that he is employed!!! Fall Break was great but the two weeks following were crazy busy! I had conferences the first week back! They went really well and I so appreciated the parents taking the time to come and visit with me. It's nice to have parents that are involved and supportive of their child's education. This past week was Red Ribbon Week so there were fun dress-up days all week with our first ever Fall Festival on Friday night. I signed up for two sessions and worked all night and had a 14 hour day. I was exhausted by the time I dragged myself in the house Friday night!!

So that brings us to now! We are finding it hard to believe that November starts this week. Only two months left of 2012 and once again it's not ending the way we had hoped. My dear friend and close team member found out right before school that she was expecting. I was so happy for her because she and her husband had been trying for a year and a half. I would never wish fertility issues on anyone. I know the pain and don't want to see my friends go through that. She felt bad and said the timing was awful due to what we had just gone through but she also wanted me to know. I told her that the timing was just right for her and not to worry at all! It's been fun as she goes on this journey and I feel blessed that she wants to share with me. I reminded myself the sadness is for me, not her. Then as school started a fellow teacher seemed to be pregnant to me and I watched her cautiously over the first months of school. Then the news made it's way to me and I had been right. I'm beginning to think I have Preg-Dar and I can spot a pregnant woman from 5 weeks on!! Ha! Again I reminded myself the sadness is for me, not her. Then at the beginning of my Fall Break we went to a friend's housewarming party and I was expected some kind of announcement from her as well. The announcement came but not from her. Another friend that has been trying for a few months shared the good news. This was harder for me to digest though because I had been drinking and every other friend that has shared with me has done so privately. So it was quite the event with tears and hugs and I felt so uncomfortable. However, I really didn't have the tears to shed I found. The sadness was still there and once more I reminded myself that it's for me, not her. So once again I feel like the Lord is not so much testing my patience but reminding me to have patience. The wonderful Resource teacher from school shared a great book with me that I just started reading this weekend. It's written by a woman who struggled with infertility and loss of adoption but found strength from Hannah's story in the Bible. So far I feel like I could have written the book and it's been a great reminder that I'm not alone. There are sooooo many women dealing with this same heartbreak too and it's nice to have someone validate my thoughts and feelings but remind me to look to the Lord for my strength and comfort. At times recently I feel so out of place when my friends start talking about babies and mommy-hood. There is really only one close friend now that has yet to become a mother and she is actively trying. She was sharing with me the other day that she had a positive ovulation test and I couldn't help but have some feeling (a small feeling) of jealousy. Jealousy that her body was doing what it was supposed to do and mine still doesn't and hasn't since our last round of treatment. I feel like part of the background when baby talk starts and I have nothing to add, except what's I've heard my other friends say. I try to leave the conversation, not to be mean or cold, but I can't participate and that breaks my heart. It's hard to stand there and listen to all the excitement and be reminded of that pain. I am truly happy for those friends and it's not like I never want to hear about their news. It's just difficult at times for me. Maybe that makes me less understanding and I need to try harder, but for now that's where I'm at.

Hopefully I'll do better with keeping up on the blog. Sorry for such a long time inbetwen posts and for this post being so long! I congratulate you if you are still reading it at this point! I'll write again soon! :)